We are now in the winter holiday time of year again. I realized as we approached Thanksgiving that this would be my first holiday season without drinking alcohol. I wanted to reflect, write, and share about what this experience has been for me over this almost full year without alcohol.
Last November (2022) my father died. He lived a long and lovely life and passed away quietly, surrounded by family after over ninety years on this planet. Through the grieving period, being around family and friends, I started to notice my own and others’ drinking habits. Shortly thereafter we entered the holiday season and I continued to observe patterns.
Here are some of the pieces that contributed to my choice to pause drinking alcohol last January:
- One of my siblings shared a new practice of theirs: they shifted to drinking a glass (or two) of wine for the weekends only. They noticed that they slept better, it was easier to wake up in the morning, and they found their mind to be clearer throughout the day. They still enjoyed an evening beverage of hot tea or a soda for a little treat and ritual to end their day. I was inspired by this change of habit.
- I read an article about the impact of alcohol specifically on women’s health. I don’t really even know if this article is scientifically legitimate but it concerned me enough to alarm me. “Seriously?” I thought “Alcohol is basically carcinogenic?!” My father had just been battling cancer – multiple types, which ultimately led to his passing. Why would I choose to increase my risks?
- This one might be one of the most significant motivations for me. My teenage daughter requested that we host her friends for New
Year’s Eve. She wanted a social, fun, and safe way to celebrate. I have mixed feelings about having a house full of loud and capricious teens but I know what the options are out there for them. We hosted them. First, they all went downtown for dinner and then they all piled into the minivan and came back to our house. We had noise-makers, goofy hats, and Martinelli’s sparkling cider to create a festive feel. I knew that I wanted to model an alcohol-free evening. Which got me thinking about what I was modeling for her every single day.
This combination of factors led me to take a break from drinking. Before that decision, I would regularly drink a glass of wine or a beer while preparing dinner. Maybe not every night but many nights. When going out with my husband or friends for a meal or social connection, a beer or cocktail was a given for me. When spending time with my family of origin, we would regularly drink to connect or relax.
What I noticed about living without alcohol…
On the challenging side:
- Drinking while cooking provided an escape or sense-duller for me. That time of night and that activity caused me to feel depressed and lonely. Not drinking increased the volume of those feelings, which was pretty hard for the first several weeks.
- When connecting with friends and family, I would worry that they might think I was judging their drinking. We did not have the same bond over what beers we were choosing or how delicious the cocktails tasted.
On the positive side:
- I have noticed many restaurants offering a variety of non-alcoholic choices beyond soda, tea, and coffee. Not only are there non-alcoholic types of wine and beer, but there are Kombuchas and an increasing range of delicious mock-tails to enjoy. I can still have a fancy drink when going out while staying within my commitment.
- I feel really, really good about modeling an alcohol-free lifestyle for BOTH of my children, the teen and the, now, pre-teen in my home. They notice me staying true to my new practice. Additionally, I have discussed doing hard things with my kids and this is a current real example that I can refer to when we share about starting or changing habits.
As I come up on one year of living without drinking, I wanted to share my process with others. I haven’t made any promise to myself or anyone else about my commitment. When I stopped drinking in January 2023, I decided I would pause for now. I am still pausing and plan to stay paused for the time being. It still feels right and I value all the benefits while my kids grow up, paying attention and making choices about who they are and who they want to be.
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