Friday night at our house is often a movie night. This weekend was no different. Now, transitions can always be a little tricky for my youngest. Especially when transitioning from sitting still and engaging with a screen to going somewhere we want or need him to go. This Friday movie night was no exception. Bedtime was a struggle.
Fast forward to Sunday night. We wanted another movie night. The cold, gray evening inspired coziness for us. This time, we set the expectations more clearly. “When the movie ends, we are heading straight to bed. Brush teeth and 5 minutes of reading. Period.” Everyone agreed.
When the movie wrapped up, we reminded everyone of the agreement and the transition from couch to stairs to bedroom moved pretty smoothly. Teeth brushed – check. Jammies on – check. Book in bed – well, we just started when the older sibling came in.
“Can we make paper snowflakes while you read?” she asked.
“No. We only have 5 minutes of reading time and it’s late.” I said. She understood and left the room.
But that is when his resistance began.
Refusal to get back into bed.
That’s when my urge to punish bubbled up in me. My thoughts whirring: “No more movies for you, kid!”…”If you don’t get into bed then I won’t read to you.”….”No snowflakes tomorrow either!”
But then I stopped for a moment. I tried to imagine what was going on within my kid’s mind and heart. I guessed that he was:
1) excited to be recognized and included by his older sibling,
2) disappointed that he couldn’t make the craft, and
3) upset that the weekend was coming to an end.
Instead of succumbing to the urge to punish that felt so strong, I acknowledged what I guess he was feeling and thinking. I offered that his sister could come in and say goodnight. I offered that they make snowflakes on one of their overlapping breaks during virtual school the next day. I acknowledged the sadness, disappointment, and love for his sister.
It didn’t erase his feelings but it did ease them. He didn’t move into immediate action, but he did get into bed. And we said goodnight feeling connected with our relationship intact.
The next morning before virtual school even started, guess what the pair was working on? You guessed it: paper snowflakes.
Do you feel that urge to punish and wonder, could there be another way? Contact me to find out about upcoming classes, groups, and coaching.
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