Think back over your day. Maybe over the past few days. Have you had a rough parenting moment? Did you find yourself yelling, threatening or bribing your child? Maybe it was about completing their homework or about brushing their teeth or putting away their phone. We’ve all been there. So, how can you get your needs met, as a parent, AND have a positive relationship with your child?
Several years ago I took (and now teach) a parenting class, the foundation of which is respect, both for the child and the parent. It also offers super practical tools. The “‘Misbehavior’ Managing Model” is this long flowchart that would likely overwhelm you in one sitting, but it is something that I come back to again and again. The first three steps often solve most parenting challenges! Ok, here they are:
- Step 1: Check in with yourself. Take a second to pause and reflect on your emotional state. Are you stressed about a work project? Are you tired or hungry?
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- If you answered YES to these questions, then take a moment to take care of yourself. Maybe you need to grab a quick snack, write yourself a note, take a few breaths, or step outside for a moment. Ask yourself “what is my intention?’
- Step 2: Notice your child. Is there some need not being met? Are they hungry? Overstimulated? Hot?
- If you answered YES to these questions, then take a moment to meet the child’s need. Offer a snack, bring them to a different location, take off the extra layer.
Photo by Sajad Nori
- Step 3: Evaluate the relationship. How was the most recent interaction? Did you yell? Have you been distracted? Have you been mostly critical in your communication?
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- If you answered YES to these questions, then take a moment to connect. Offer some kind words, a snuggle, a genuine smile, or some focused attention.
So often these first three steps solve the parenting problem we have. I would love to hear how it works for you and your family. Send me a message to tell me how it goes!
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